Friday, February 20, 2009

Best. Horoscope. Ever.

What a relief that I'm not trying to be a bad girl anymore. That was hard work, man. OK, being a good girl now will also probably be work, work, work. But we're in a recession, so it's to be expected. And as far as I can tell for modern women of the Western world, you can still drink and be a good girl. So I should be fine.

Anyway, the hubby & I plan to go on a Grand World Tour in 2012, the year of the Great Apocalypse. Isn't 12-12-12 the day the world as we know it is supposed to end? If so, on that day I want to be somewhere on a beach in Bali or Barbados enjoying the end of days with other global villagers.

Meanwhile, we're saving up money, looking at maps and fantasizing. My plan for the moment is to take a massage course in Bangkok, work in an orphanage in India, study belly dancing in Turkey and learn how to speak either Czech in Prague or Slovakian in Bratislava. (I'm not sure where the hubby will be during all this. He's made some vague murmurings about wanting to go to Singapore, Indonesia and Malaysia to look around, see things, meet travelers, check out stuff and do some volunteer organizing.)

I'm happy to report that the month we started to plan our Grand World Tour, July 2007, I read my Best. Horoscope. Ever. in the Village Voice I think it was. This is the July 2007 horoscope for Capricorn, but feel free to use it as your own personal horoscope for today and the rest of your life. I know I do.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) I predict that you will soon be drinking your morning wake-up beverage out of a goblet made of gold mined in ancient times. Songbirds will appear near your window to sing you tunes that magically unleash your dormant genetic potential. Out of nowhere, servants will arrive and offer to wash your feet in jeweled basins once used to baptize the children of queens. Maybe most exciting of all, you will command the power of the wind and lightning. OK, so maybe everything I just predicted will only occur in your dreams. But even if that's the case, it's a sign that you're in a heightened state of receptivity to miracles and wonders--which suggests that they will soon be swirling around you.


  1. No, no, no! It's not 12/12/12. It's 12/21/12. Tsunamis and category 5 hurricanes are predicted. I would have thought Mother Nature could put a little more fury into it and cough up a heretofore unseen category 6 hurricane but apparently this will be just another run-of-the-mill apocalypse.....zzzzzz.